Those of you who know me well, know of my undying fear of cockaroaches. And not the little tiny ones that are actually the "bad" roaches, but the huge, scurrying, flying brazilian roaches that actually come into your house wanting to pick a fight!
There are different types of large roaches. We've got the madagascar hissing cockaroaches:
These guys arent too bad. They're kinda slow and dumb. If I saw one crawling around my house, I would probably kick it out the door and go about my business. I might even eat one on Fear Factor, but depending solely on how many beers I had had prior to the challenge. I did, however, once watch an episode of Survivor Man where the main dude on the show was camping out in the rain forest and had to sleep on a bed of these bastards, where they were crawling all over the ground, the trees, and the dude. If I was forced into those miserable conditions, you will probably find me rocking myself on the top of some tree, sucking my thumb, and crying "Mama".
Next up, we have the little roaches that are actually the "bad" roaches that we spoke of earlier.
Now, the reason these are bad is because they breed like crazy, once you get them in your house it requires a nuclear winter to get rid of them and they carry disease. And I hear that that probably doesnt work on these guys either.
I will smush one of these without thinking twice. I had a case of these bad boys when I moved into a new house in Taylor once, and I bought a can of Pink Raid for each room. Each time I saw one, I would douse 'em. After a couple of months, problem solved. Keep that in the back of your mind in case you are ever encountered with such a dilemma...."Pink Raid, when a nuclear winter cant do the job"
AND NOW.... For the star of our show....
I HATE, LOATHE, DESPISE, this abomination that I am convinced was sent to us from Satan himself to keep us constantly reminded that "Yes Virgina, there is a hell".
I had to cross my eyes while downloading and posting this picture so I could blur the image and not get a good look for fear of the nightmares I would have had to endure if had.
One of my first memories is of a time when I was probably about 5 years old and i was getting dressed for school. I pulled a pair of pants out of a drawer and shook them so I could put my little legs into them and one of these bad boys came scurrying out on HIS little legs. I screamed like a little girl (get it), jumped on the bed and this is what probably started my life-long hate for all things cockaroach.
Here are some funny bullet points that should drive my point home about the confrontations I have had with roaches. I call them confrontations, because a cockaroach WILL fight you back. If you step on one and it doesn't die, or you spray one with the Pink Nuclear Winter Raid, it will turn around with steam coming out of its nostrils, head down and will charge at your big toe like a ram during mating season.
1. My parents house in Dallas had these guys while I lived with them for a while in my early 20's. I used to sleep at night wrapped up completely like a mummy, under my sheets. Sheet completely tucked around my entire body so NOTHING could get in. Even air was scarce...
2. I once stepped on one and he started moving again, so I threw the 1st thing I could find on top of him which was a pyrex bowl. I couldnt sleep that night, because I could envision this guy lifting the bowl, high over his head to escape. He lived in that bowl for several days because i was afraid to lift it and had to call my brother over to diffuse the situation.
3. (Also known as Amys favorite) - I had a long necklace that I had accidentally slept in one night. I woke up the next morning, headed to my closet to change shirts. As I pulled the shirt over my head, the necklace had twisted aroundand it dropped on my back as I peeled the shirt away. I then proceeded to beat my back with said shirt because I thought a roach had somehow crawled onto my back or had fallen from the ceiling onto me. I flailed like this for quite sometime, by the way.
4. Speaking of Kamikaze roaches...I once sprayed one in my bedroom, but it scurried so fast behind my dresser. I thought "surely I got him well enough...he'll die a slow painful death...It'll be GREAT!" and I went to sleep without a worry. About 15 minutes later, BAM, right on my forehead! The roach! He had crawled up the wall, onto the ceiling and kamikazed onto my forehead! I swear I even heard a small voice yell "Geronimo!!" Bastard.
I have many more encounters I could share, but I feel I have given these jerks enough of my time and blog space.
There are however two cockaroaches I DO like...
La Cucaracha Dance
And this guy
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